Arms High and Heart Abandoned

So what can I say

What can I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You

So I’ll stand

With arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand

My soul Lord to You surrendered

All I am is Yours

“The Stand” - Hillsong United

My family and I just returned from one of my favorite places in the world. Most summers, the Weiant family heads up to Gull Lake, Michigan for family camp. I realize that’s a bit hokey and I’m probably too old for it by now, but it’s just this tremendously nostalgic and beautiful and encouraging place. I remember riding my bike down narrow paved streets towards the little beach near the fellowship center, feeding ducks off of the docks, sitting on the front porch of Gilead Cottage, watching a storm come in. It just doesn’t get old. And as a bonus, we get to sit in on wonderful teaching by great, Godly folks fully entrenched in their own personal ministries.

This year, Ron Cline of HCJB was our primary speaker. His low, musical voice couldn’t have belonged to anyone other than the radio personality he is. Totally comforting and rich. I liked the guy from the start. But I’ll admit that his message, “Going Beyond the Call,” didn’t initially strike a chord with me. His challenge to refuse to be satisfied with Salvation itself and become a true “Witness” was certainly an apt message for the standard cross-section of American Christians. We have become content. We certainly fail to grasp the incredible privilege we have as bearers of the Gospel to our neighbors, friends, co-workers, and even members of our families. But in the first day or so of Mr. Cline’s teaching, I found myself thinking, “Well, I’m already going beyond the call. I’m not where I thought I’d be, I’m being challenged each and every day, and I feel like I’ve surrendered some big things to the Lord. ...Check.”

Soon, I felt the gentle stab of Reality and Truth and realized that if I was honest with myself, I’d know that my personal adventure in going “beyond the call” has been flukey, at best. I definitely can’t take any credit for the journey I’m on. God’s been in this. And it’s been an enriching, stretching, surreal, and surprising trek so far. Over this summer, I’ve been amazed at the evidences the Lord’s revealing to me in how I remember back upon this first year of ministry.

That doesn’t mean that it’s all of a sudden easy.

Do you remember that anxious creature that snuck out of hiding in the days before school started up again? That feeling that nags far more effectively than the sister “butterfly” feeling- the one in the pit of your stomach that you got as a kid? I kind of thought I was over that once I finished up my own academic career. But it’s true, kids. Teachers get the creature, too.

During our week at Gull Lake, the reality of the impending end of my first furlough as a missionary teacher and the rapidly-approaching first days of school have seemed to growl in the back of my mind, no matter what I’ve been doing to keep myself occupied otherwise. I suppose that I’ve always been a bit of an anxious person, fretting over little things until they became big things. I’ve never been very good at allowing the Lord to take full control of particular areas of my life. Truth is, I like being in charge. And that manifests itself in a variety of frustrating and unattractive ways that I’ve long been working to give back to Christ. And that’s where the “Going Beyond the Call” message began to whisper a bit. I have got to let go of this habit of control, worry, and fear if I want to witness God do big things in and through my life.

I have to surrender.

Wow, that word is just so present on my heart and mind lately. I stood, elbows at my waist and palms turned upward, the lyrics of worship pulsing in my throat, escaping as a shout. I’ll stand, my soul, Lord, to you surrendered...All I am is Yours. I forget so often. I forget that all I am is His. That that’s enough. That that’s all that ever mattered in the first place.

I think I’m prepared to give it a go. I’m fairly certain that the benefits of surrendering my life fully to Christ far outweigh the difficulties and inconveniences. I think I can serve my students better and serve Him better if I let go. So please pray for me as I take some steps to place my precious students, my time, my servant-leader position, my knowledge and ability, and my heart into better hands. I think He wants bigger things this year.

I began this “pre-re-entry” post with the lyrics to a worship song, “The Stand” by Hillsong United. It’s a new favorite.

Pray for Me:

• I leave Columbus this Friday, July 31, to return to Nairobi. It snuck up on me a bit! Our official staff start day is August 4, so I’ll have some time to settle in and meet the new folks before things speed up a little while. Our first day of school will be August 11. Pray that the Lord would settle my heart and prepare me for year two of my calling to serve at West Nairobi School.
• My roommate from last year, Becca, and I will be welcoming in two new roommates this year. They’re both named Jennifer, which will undoubtedly cause some silly problems until we figure out how to refer to each :) I’ve communicated with both of them a little bit over the summer and I’m totally excited about meeting them and building up some solid, Christ-centered roomie relationships this year.
• I’ll be taking over my newly-married-ex-roommate Jen’s part of a car this year, which is a tremendous blessing! I’ll have a little more freedom and ability to deepen my relationship with the outside world. Only problem: haven’t quite mastered the art of driving a stick shift yet.
• It’s sad to leave America! I’ve had such a blessed summer, reuniting and catching up with family and friends and having opportunities to share what I’m doing in Kenya and get built up by folks working hard here on the home front. But I’m not exactly the queen of transitioning, so I’m preparing myself for a rough couple of days until I settle back into the swing of things back in Nairobi. I’ll miss you- you’ve been wonderful!
• God’s raised up some folks in my life who have chosen to sacrificially partner with me in my ministry financially. I’m so thankful that the Lord has taken care of my needs and that He’s kept me in this great little sweet spot: neither in need or in excess. I’m praying, and I’d appreciate your prayers as well, that God continues to provide and allow me to serve at West Nairobi School for was long as He wills me to be here.
• ...Which brings up one final thing: You may know that I’ll be making a decision in early December about whether I’ll continue my contract at WNS for another year or two. Big decision. Honestly, I don’t want to make it. So I’m praying that God will show up in some incredibly clear, amazingly direct way to either pull me away from WNS towards something else, or else opens up the door and gives the “all clear” to continue on at WNS. As of right now, I’m open to whatever plan God’s got in store. I’m confident that He’s sovereign and will lead me where He needs me to go.

Surrendering,

Kate